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willsayshey
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Name: Will
Country: United States
State: Tennessee
Metro: Nashville
Gender: Male
Interests: God, Family, and Friends. Music, Photography, and Conversation.
Expertise: Im hardly and expert...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  will knowles 3
Member Since:
1/26/2004
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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| To those of you who still read my xanga, i'm moving to willknowles.blogspot.com.
I just prefer it.
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| Over the course of the past three weeks,
i have sat through thirty youth camp services (and one Sunday morning
service). I have experienced four different speaking styles and heard
four different stories.
I have been forever changed.
With
regard to Christianity and spirituality, I have experienced many
seasons of the soul: zealousness, open defiance,
utter brokenness, sheer bewilderment, and everything in between. This
past year has been a reawakening of my faith. I have broken through my
angst ridden teenage years plagued by doubt. I have discovered a desire
to empty myself and give my life away. However, i haven't moved past
that. I haven't enacted that desire. When it enters my cognition, I
avoid the subject.
This past week, It hit me head on. I have no choice but to accept the responsibilities my journeys have uncovered.
I chose a life of love. I chose a life of prayer. I chose a life this is no longer my own. | | |
|  On Saturday, I made a trip down south. Today, almost a week later, I put words to what's at my core.
When i grow up, I want to be a lover and a father.
Its not that i'm any less of a man. I just don't care for building my empire on the dollar. Pissing contests aren't my cup of tea. I don't want to be a "things" guy.
I just have different priorities.
I want to be a lover and a father.
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| For lack of better words, I have been emotionally constipated. In no way have I been able to tell anyone my currents thoughts. I really haven't had anyone that’s been interested... To add, every time I sit down to write or think, all I come up with is fragments of thoughts. Everything that I repress, rushes out at once. Introspection has become troublesome. I can no longer isolate a specific "problem." It seems that everything is interconnected.
As I write and re-write my thoughts here, I warn you of my current state of mind. I’m battling depressive thoughts: I am a grumpy old man. I am a homebody. I don’t like change. I enjoy that which stays constant. I don’t like new. These thoughts aren’t necessarily me. They are the lens through which I’m filtering life.
My goal for the past few months is to be an includer, engaging in acts of kindness, taking genuine interest in the people around me. I deeply desire to be a lover of people. I feel like an utter failure. As I sat the dinner table last night, this reality hit me in the gut. I want nothing more than to be in a positive standing with the people I contact daily. Last night, I realized that I hold on to tensions. I don’t let grudges slide easily. I would rather feel “right” than humble myself and let go of what others do to me. I hate that in me.
God, I have run from you. I have found the deepest, darkest cavern and lodged myself within. Help me find light…
…Help me shake mediocrity
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Our suitemates Dennis and Oliver left town for several basketball games on the road. In their absence, we decided to pull some sort of a prank. We settled on decorating their room with girly decorations (pink, puppy posters, etc). As we walked around Wal-Mart, our prank ideas began to evolve. The prank we settled on was filling their room with ballons... 350 of them.
Dennis and Olover got back last night. They retaliated by filling Kevin's room with their ballons.
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